chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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