I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
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