You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Randomize
