My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
