Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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