We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
