with your own penis?
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
