but the lizard people decide everything anyway
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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