i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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