Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
