google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
