Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
