so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
