I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize