I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize