Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize