i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
