My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
