The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
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last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
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Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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