i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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