so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
