We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
