Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
