omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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