Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Is that strawberry winking at me??
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
