He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
