So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
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