My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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