for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
