I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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