I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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