Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
