whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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