She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
