Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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