I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
