everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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