I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
