he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Randomize
