it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
