I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
