I wish I could punch you in the face.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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