I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
cat food counts as protein by the way
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Randomize
