Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
