Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
