I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Randomize
