Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
