you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
