He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
they need to just BURY HIM!
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize