butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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