I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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