god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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