I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
