I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
