I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
