I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
