So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
