I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
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