thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
