do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Randomize
