It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
