Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
