I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
