Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
