the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
