I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
