PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
My liver just broke up with me...
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
