all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
