well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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