do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Randomize
